


I Believe It This Time

by homosociallyyours



Series: Days of Our Louis [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Closeted Character, Emotions, Established Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 01:42:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15109169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours
Summary: When a twist of fate brings Liam face to face with the man he used to love, Louis helps him confront the worries and fear that it brings up. He's spent a long time missing Zayn and thinking they'd never see each other again. Louis, Harry, and Niall do their best to help Liam and Zayn work through what went wrong in the past, but in the end it's down to the two of them.Lots of feelings, a rough past, and hope for the future.





	I Believe It This Time

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of the wonderful celebration of Louis that the lovely [rosegoldhl](http://rosegoldhl.tumblr.com) put together, [The Five Days of Louis](http://5dol.tumblr.com) Project.
> 
> This particular fic was inspired by Louis' most recent song, "Miss You" and is the fourth in a mini-series that follows childhood friends Louis and Harry through the process of coming out and realizing their love for one another. This fic is a bit of a Ziam interlude, though Liam and Zayn's relationship comes together through the lens of Louis and Harry's, so it all connects in the end.
> 
> I'm dreadfully late (nearly 2 months!) posting this for day 4 of the 5dol challenge, but I can't say I regret it. I took my time with the last two fics in this series and I do hope it's worth it!
> 
> Finally, a thousand thanks to my lovely beta, [Bander](http://statementlou.tumblr.com), who got me into this fandom and continues to be a thoughtful, clever, and delightful reader and partner-in-crime.

The pub was busy for a Tuesday night. A few months back Niall had persuaded the owner to start up a karaoke night, and it had proven to be a runaway hit. Niall always ended the night with a loud rendition of “Closing Time,” sung in his best American frat boy accent, usually resulting in a raucous sing-along, and it had ended up earning the night a write up in a local paper. Louis hadn’t been in since that had happened, and so the whole scene came as a shock to him. Not that it mattered, really, since he was meeting Harry, Liam, and Niall’s new flatmate, and the three of them were already settled in a booth that was tucked into the corner close to the bar.

By the time Louis was able to make it to the booth, Niall had already spotted him and delivered his pint to the table. Louis smiled at him gratefully. “Ta, Nialler! I didn’t think I’d be able to get your attention with everyone rushing the bar like that. Figured I’d be waiting a while.”

Niall shook his head and cast a glance back over his shoulder. “Nah, the night got so popular that we brought another bartender in as well as a bar back, so it’s not nearly so hectic as it was just after that write up came out.” He stepped aside so Louis could shove in next to Harry, then leaned against the table. “Anyway before I go back I wanted to introduce you to my flatmate, Zayn. Not new anymore, but new to you lot, since you hardly ever make it out anymore.”

“Heyyy,” Harry said, as if he were actually offended. “I come here every other Sunday, don’t I? That’s gotta count for something.”

“You come in after your morning run with coffee and a muffin for me when I do Sunday inventory,” Niall said, reaching over Louis to pat Harry’s hand. “And while it’s prolly the nicest thing that anyone at this table has done for me regularly, ‘m afraid it doesn’t count, Harry.”

Louis nuzzled against Harry’s shoulder. “Just when I think you couldn’t get any sweeter, baby.”

Harry turned toward him, blushing, and leaned in for a kiss. “ ‘S really nothing,” he said as Niall groaned and drummed his hands on the table.

“Alright, I’ve gotta get back behind the bar. If you wanna put songs in, gimme yer slips and I’ll hand ‘em over to the KJ myself, make sure you get a chance to sing early.” Niall went to the bar and pulled something out from a shelf, sliding it onto the table surreptitiously. “And I smuggled a song book just for this table, so keep it outta sight if you can. They get vicious over the books.” He turned and surveyed the crowd before turning back to the other boys. “ _Vicious_ ,” he whispered. When he got back behind the bar, Louis pulled a face that made everyone laugh.

“Who’d have thought that karaoke night could be so serious?” he asked, taking a sip of his pint. As he looked across the table, he realized that though Niall had made a brief introduction, he hadn’t actually met Zayn, the new (or not so new) flatmate. “Shit, sorry, it’s good to meet you, Zayn. Sorry it’s taken so long for Harry and I to get out here, and, well, I can’t speak for Liam, but he usually comes out here with us, so I guess we’re to blame for him not meeting you yet either.”

Zayn shrugged, meeting Louis’ eyes for a moment before looking back down at his pint. “S’alright, I know how it is. Niall drags me out half the time. I’d much rather be in the flat painting or listening to music. Don’t really even sing, now that it’s gotten so big.” He was soft spoken and far too pretty, with soulful eyes and sharp features, and the paint staining his fingernails and the cuff of his jumper made Louis think that he wasn’t kidding about wishing he were off making art instead of sitting in a noisy pub on karaoke night. It made Louis want to make his evening as good as possible.

“Well, Harry will sing. And I might, too. Who knows, maybe Liam will do a duet with you?” Louis looked over and saw Liam with a mildly horrified look on his face and immediately backtracked. “Or we could get up and do one as a group, maybe even pull Niall in.”

“Ten girl pile up,” Harry piped up helpfully, patting Louis’ arm. He didn’t have to work the next day and was clearly already a few pints in.

“Yeah, baby, just that,” Louis said, squeezing Harry’s hand and earning himself a pleased grin. “So maybe we’ll all sing one together, then? You can choose, Zayn.” Louis slid the book toward him, waiting for him to open it up. He hesitated, so Louis quickly added, “Liam can help you, since he’s been with us before.”

“Right, yeah, I have,” Liam said, almost choking on his water. “Have been before. So I can definitely help you.” He slid the book toward himself and opened it, poring over the list. Louis watched him for a moment, thinking that he was acting a bit off-- not really his usual easygoing self --and wondered if he should send him a text to check in.

“Let me out so I can have a wee, love?” Harry nudged at Louis’ side, and Louis moved to let him out, deciding at the last minute to go with him and excusing himself from Liam and Zayn to shove through the crowd after Harry. It turned out there was a line for the toilet, and Louis put an arm around Harry’s waist as they waited.

“Did you think Liam was acting strange at all? He’s usually the one trying to get everyone else to do things, and it seemed like he was nervous to sing.” Louis watched Harry considering it. He was slow and touchy at this stage of being drunk, always wanting a cuddle and needing more time than usual to get out whatever it was he was thinking about. Louis would never admit just how much he liked it.

“He was pretty normal when we first got here. But. Yeah, maybe when Zayn showed up he sort of, hmmm, clammed up, maybe?” Harry dragged his finger along the shoulder seam of Louis’ t-shirt as he spoke. “And when you said he could sing with Zayn he was a bit like--” at which point Harry pulled a face just like the one Liam had done earlier, and Louis burst out laughing.  
  
“Okay then, I wasn’t imaginin’ it. I’ll have to ask him about it.” Louis went to pull out his phone, wanting to text Liam to make sure he wasn’t there out of some sense of obligation when he had something important weighing on his mind, but the door opened and Harry pulled him into the loo, closing the door and locking it behind them.

“Sorry, Lou, really need to go,” he said, patting Louis’ shoulder before stepping toward the toilet and unzipping. Really, the text could wait.

*

Louis didn’t think of sending the text until a few days later, and then only once he saw that he’d gotten a text from Liam already. Things had gotten better over the course of the night, Liam slowly settling into his usual soft playfulness, teasing Louis about his solo song choice-- “Really Louis? ABBA?” --and taking the mic for part of the song they did as a group, Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way.” Louis opened Liam’s message, wondering if he should still check in.

Liam: Hey mate! Thinking of having a few people over Sunday after footie practice, maybe a couple of lads from work, you and Haz, possibly Niall and Zayn. Can you invite the others?  
Louis: Sounds good. Nialler might have inventory and then work, I’ll still ask him though

He responded quickly, and then decided he might as well make sure everything was good with Liam.

Louis: Wanted to make sure you were ok on Tuesday. You seemed a bit off. Was it the pub? Or?  
Liam: Oh. No. Pub is good, I like that night  
Liam: What did you think of Zayn?  
Louis: He seemed alright. Bit shy, maybe. But a good lad  
Louis: Anyone who lives with Niall has some points in their favor  
Louis: Why?

Liam took a long time to respond, but before Louis could text again he finally got another message from Liam, this time asking if they could talk. Louis said yes, and moments later Liam’s contact popped up on his screen and he answered.

“Alright, Payno, I know it’s serious if you need to talk instead of text. Did Zayn say something to you? Should I be calling Niall and telling him he needs to find a different flatmate?” 

“No no no, nothing like that,” Liam said, a hint of desperation in his voice. “It’s, well. You remember that I’m bi, yeah? And I said I hadn’t really dated men but I’d like to, if someone I liked also liked me?”

“Yes, I definitely remember my best friend coming out to me when I came out to him, doesn’t happen every day. And?”  
  
“I have dated one man. Years ago, at university.”

“Liam. Are you saying that you dated Zayn? And then sat next to him all night pretending as if you’d just met for the first time?” Louis was glad that he wasn’t sitting with Liam to hear this, as he was certain his shocked expression, all wide eyes and dropped jaw, was utterly ridiculous to behold.

“Yeah, exactly that.” Liam paused for a moment and then released a heavy sigh. “There’s a bit more to it, though.”

Louis flung himself onto the couch and fluffed up a pillow behind his head. “I’m listening,” he said.

The story went like this: Liam spent his first two years of uni with his mind set on making good grades and not stirring up trouble. He went to classes, studied hard, worked at the campus bookstore, kept his room in his flatshare clean, and played footie on the weekends when he had the time. His careful existence mostly came down to his desire to make his mum proud. She wrote him letters every few weeks, always keeping him up to date on the local gossip and asking how his studies were going and never mentioning his father.

Liam’s father wasn’t a good man. He wasn’t terrible, either, but he was bad enough that one thing Liam knew for certain was that he didn’t want to end up like him: a mean, sour drunk with bad breath and no hair and sweat-stained polo shirts that he wore as part of the uniform at whatever shit job he could hold down for more than a week. That was a future that Liam wanted desperately to avoid, and if earning high marks and not going to parties was the way to do it-- and it seemed it was --that’s what Liam would do.

It didn’t all change the moment he met Zayn, but it did change some time after. Liam was working an evening shift in the campus bookstore, mostly dusting the shelves and keeping an eye on the register, when he heard someone clearing their throat. He hadn’t heard anyone come in, so the noise startled him, causing him to swing the duster he was holding into a display of energy bars, sending it toppling over. He went to pick it up, and the person who’d somehow snuck in bent down to help him.

They both reached for the same energy bar and looked up when their hands touched, and Liam stopped breathing for a moment. He knew it wasn’t possible that he heard violins and trumpets and heavenly choirs, but to his 20 year old mind it felt like that. He was staring back at a beautiful boy with shaggy dark hair and a smudge of charcoal under one eye and just barely the hint of a smile on his face. A beautiful boy whose hint of a smile was slowly starting to grow into a wide, shy grin, his eyes darting down and to the side before he looked back up at Liam from under his lashes.

He said his name was Zayn and that he’d just transferred in as an art student, which explained why Liam had never seen him before. Somehow, Liam found the courage to ask Zayn for his number, and through another miracle Zayn had given it to him. They started texting a bit, then arranged a study date, then another, and finally one more before Zayn snapped and asked Liam if they could have an actual date that involved something other than a bag of crisps shared over textbooks. Of course Liam said yes.

They dated for almost a year before things went bad. Zayn grew distant and then confessed very suddenly that he was planning on transferring again, this time to an art school that would hopefully allow him to stay on and complete a master’s degree. Liam thought they should try to stay together, but Zayn was adamant that it wouldn’t work. He’d stopped taking Liam’s calls, and eventually even the occasional hopeful emails that Liam would send started to bounce back as undeliverable.

When Liam reached this point in his story, Louis put the phone on speaker, his ear growing hot from keeping it up to his face for so long. “Fuck, Liam that’s a shitty breakup story.”

“Oh,” Liam said, interrupting him before he could say anything else. “It gets worse, actually.”

With Zayn gone, Liam took a look at his life and wondered what he was actually doing. He was still performing reasonably well in his classes, but he had little interest in the law degree he was pursuing. His mum was still writing him letters, and he still loved her, but making her proud didn’t seem quite so imperative anymore. He felt lost and confused and angry and bored without Zayn.

So he made a change. It wasn’t a conscious change, really, but it was a change nonetheless, and a big one. He stopped going to class quite as much, stopped spending his free nights studying, and stopped caring if his papers were the proper length, with a coherent argument and well-researched sources. Instead, he started going out to a nearby pub, making friends with the bartender and joining up with a few lads he’d seen around campus often enough to greet by name. Pretty soon he was a regular there instead of the law building. And he found he quite liked it.

The problem with drinking-- other than the hangovers, empty wallet, and mild self-loathing that accompanied it --was that it often ended in him thinking about Zayn.

Harry came in just as Liam was about to continue, and Louis waved him over with a finger over his lips, signalling that he should be quiet. “Liam, s’alright if Haz listens? He just got home.”

“Yeah, this is the worst bit. You can fill him in on what came before after we hang up.”

Harry looked puzzled and Louis shook his head, then gestured for Harry to join him on the couch. “Go on then,” Louis said. “We’re listening.”

“Right, so umm--right. I was thinking about Zayn when I’d get really drunk, pulling out my phone and just googling his name to see if I could find out what he was doing, sometimes taking a phone from one of my mates so I could use their facebook to look at his profile. Just feeling so desperate. I’d go from laughing and joking to just utter shit in seconds, but at the time I thought it was just a normal level of post-breakup pining.”

“Was he the first person you dated, or just the first man?” Louis asked, taking in Harry’s widening eyes and putting one finger up to signal he’d get the full story later.

“First person I dated seriously, you know? I’d had a couple of girlfriends, but it wasn’t”-- Liam’s voice dropped to a whisper --”I wasn’t in love with them.”

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Liam,” Harry said, having already caught on to the gravity of the situation even if he’d missed the specifics.

Liam huffed out a bitter laugh. “I just missed him, and he was completely vanished.” He paused for a moment, collecting himself before continuing. “Anyway I had a friend who basically staged a sort of intervention after a bit. Not too long, thankfully. And having seen how things usually went for my father, when she and my other friends started talking and bringing up examples, it all kind of fell into place. I’ve had one or two drinks since then, but mostly I don’t drink.” He laughed to himself. “You know, sometimes I tell people I only have one kidney so I don’t have to bring up my dad. Stops anyone from asking questions.”

“If they ever saw you take a drink, you’d have to tell them the second kidney grew back or summat,” Louis said, his desire to make people laugh overriding his sense of propriety. Fortunately Liam immediately started giggling.

“Oh, mate, that’s too good. I’ll use that if it ever comes up, I swear.”

“So Liam,” Harry said, steering the conversation back from whence it came, “you haven’t seen or talked to Zayn since this happened until the other night?”

“Not really, Haz. I mean I assume he got some of my emails or messages, but I didn’t ask. And the only acknowledgement of any of our history was this one sort of awkward moment the other night when the two of you went to the loo? We sat there in silence for ages, and then without looking at me he just sort of quietly asked me how I’d been?”

“What did you say?” Louis asked.

“Just, um, said the word good, like five times really fast? And then before I could say anything else you came back, and I decided to just pretend everything really _was_ good.”

“Wow, alright, yeah, so one more question Payno,” Louis said. “Why do you want to invite him to a party at your house on Sunday?”

“Liam!” Harry yelled, scandalized.

Liam groaned in response. “I’m hoping if we’re not somewhere loud maybe I can find a way to talk with him. Just see what he’s been doing for the past few years. Just talk. Really.”

Harry and Louis shared a look, and then it was Harry who spoke. “We’ll invite him ‘round,” he said. “Sunday, after practice?”

Louis poked Harry in the arm and shook his head, mouthing out “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” as best he could.

“Yeah. Thanks, you two. I swear this won’t end badly.” Liam paused, possibly questioning the statement he’d just made before he continued. “Just, um, text me and let me know if he can come.”

“Will do,” Harry said, nodding once toward Louis.

“Right, yeah,” Louis agreed. Once they’d all said goodbye and Louis was able to end the call, he immediately turned to Harry. “This is going to end very badly. You know that, right?”

Harry shrugged and pulled out his phone to text Niall and Zayn about Sunday.

*

Louis fiddled with the radio, trying to find a station to listen to that might help keep Liam distracted on the ride back to the flat after practice. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about Zayn-- what Liam would say, how he was feeling about seeing him again intentionally --but the fact that there were so many uncontrollable variables left Louis feeling anxious, and he worried that he’d only end up making Liam’s own anxiety worse.

Of course there was no escaping the conversation. When Liam got into the car he turned the radio off and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “I think I’m ready,” he said. “Or as ready as I can be. You’re sure Zayn and Niall are already there?”

“Yeah, Harry texted.” Louis started the car and began to drive toward home.

“And you’re both going to distract Niall so I can have a bit of time with Zayn? You’ve got something--”

“We’ll take care of that part, Liam. You should just focus on keeping calm and saying what you need to say.” Louis gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter, steeling himself before what he was going to say next. “Do you need to talk through any of it?”

“Oh my god, would you let me? I didn’t want to ask. But I feel like you’d be the best person. I mean, I don’t know how things went with you and Haz, but that must’ve been really difficult talk to have, figuring out you and your best friend might be in love with each other.”

Louis cut off Liam’s rambling with a small cough. “I can tell you about that some other time. But yeah. I’ve had some hard conversations. Go on.”

“Right, so I suppose I’m going to start in with some form of an apology.”

Louis took his eyes off the road to glance at Liam. “Okay, you’re serious, then,” he said when he saw the determined look in Liam’s eyes. “Go on.”

“Wait, what does that mean? Why wouldn’t I start with an apology? Or is it how I’d apologize? Should I have gotten him something?” Liam drummed his fingers against the car window. “I mean how do you apologize to someone for them breaking up with you?”

At that, Louis pulled over into a nearby car park and turned off the car. “You don’t, Liam. You don’t apologize to someone for them breaking up with you. It wasn’t your fault. And if it was something you did, Zayn should’ve told you. There are other things you could apologize for, yeah.” Louis waited expectantly for Liam to pick up on the cue to name some of those things, finally nodding his head when the silence dragged on too long.

“Oh, right, um, all the calls and emails. I want to apologize for those. When I think back on it I’m embarrassed and ashamed that I sent so much. I mean I hope he didn’t read them all, but I’m sure he saw enough.” Liam put his hand over his eyes. “He’s going to hate me.”

“Hey, no. No, don’t do that. You’re doing this because you want to make things better, right? And he didn’t run away or tell you off at the pub, so there’s a good chance he’s willing to meet you halfway on this.” Louis thought back to his words to Harry from the other night-- that this meeting would almost certainly end badly --and bit his lip, hoping he was wrong. “So. You’re going to start out with an apology?”

“Um, yeah. I think I should, still. I don’t know what happened to make him stop caring about me, but I do know that I’ve done things I’m not proud of, so I can apologize for that.” Liam paused, this time drumming his hands softly on his thighs, the beat getting faster the longer he was quiet. He finally balled his hands into fists and exhaled, ready to continue. “And I don’t know if this is a good idea, but I want to ask him if he--” Liam paused again, and Louis watched him clench his fists tighter, then release them, “was honest with me then. Because the timing never felt right?”

“What do you mean?” Louis asked softly.

“It’s just-- we were together for nine months. And then he went home for a long weekend, and when he came back I started noticing the things he’d left at my flat, he was taking back home. Just t-shirts and things. And before that weekend, we’d been talking about moving in together when we hit a year. Not if, Louis. When.” Liam rested his head against the window and looked out at the cars rolling by. “So I’ve always wondered if the first part was a lie, or the last part. When we were talking about the future, was he making it up? Or was wanting to leave a lie?”

Louis put his hand on Liam’s shoulder and squeezed. He couldn’t see Liam’s face, but it was clear he was crying from his sniffs and the way he was bringing the cuffs of his jumper up to his eyes every few seconds. “Hey. This’ll sound like right bullshit but you don’t know if any of it was a lie, yeah? People’s feelings change. And they change without us realizing it.” He rubbed small circles against Liam’s back as he considered turning the conversation to his own experience, hoping it might be beneficial. It was worth a try.

“I know I said I’d tell you about it another time, but when Haz and I started to get together, it was really slow.” Louis stilled his hand as he went back to that first night in his mind. They’d talked so long and none of it felt real. “Things changed between us from conversation to conversation. I loved Haz when I went to his place that first night, but I didn’t know if what I felt was really more than the love we’d always had.” Liam turned to look at him, his eyes puffy and his nose red from crying. He didn’t look ready to speak, so Louis continued. “It’s possible that Zayn was never lying about his feelings. You can ask him what changed, but he might not know how to explain it or when it happened. I don’t know if I could say with Harry. Not the exact moment, at least.” Louis let his hand fall away as Liam leaned his head back against the seat, taking a few long, slow, deep breaths.

“So. I’ll start with an apology,” Liam said after collecting himself. “And then see if he’s willing to talk about leaving. About what changed for him. I’d like to let him know how hard it was for me. He might know, but in case he doesn’t. And the last thing feels like the most important.”

“Which is?”

“How he’d like to go forward. If we’re going to be in a space together, I want to be able to talk with him. We don’t have to be friends, but we have figure something out.”

“Yeah,” Louis said, nodding his head in agreement. “That sounds great, Liam. And we’ll be there for you when it’s all over. Harry has the air mattress ready to go if you’d like to stay the night, even.”

“Proper hospitality,” Liam said, smiling as he wiped at his nose. “Thanks Louis. I’m feeling a bit better about everything now. Like maybe it’s going to end up alright?”

Louis opened his arms and Liam shifted forward into an awkward car hug, seatbelts pulling at their chests though neither of them seemed to mind it. When they released each other a moment later, Louis re-adjusted his seatbelt and turned the car on again. “Ready to go?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Liam said, his voice holding at least some of his usual enthusiasm.

*

“They’ve been in there a while,” Niall said, his voice not quite a whisper but far less than his usual volume. “You sure you don’t need to check that everything’s alright?”

It turned out that after seeing Liam at karaoke, Zayn had cornered Niall in their kitchen the following day, spilling out his side of the story and asking for Niall’s advice. Of course this meant that when he got the invitation, Niall had seen it as the perfect opportunity for Zayn and Liam to talk, and said just that to Zayn.

So when Liam invented a reason for Harry, Louis, and Niall to leave, they all jumped right up to do so, no questions asked. It was only once they’d gotten outside that they realized they all knew what was going on. Of course, Harry and Louis only knew Liam’s side, and Niall only knew Zayn’s, so the first order of business was sharing information.

According to Niall, Zayn’s side of things didn’t start out all that differently. He’d gone in to the campus store to buy a few supplies for a project he was working on one night, and hadn’t seen anyone else in the store until he noticed Liam with his back turned. When Liam knocked the display over, Zayn immediately felt bad about it and got down to help him clean it up. Then they looked at each other.

“I believe his exact words were, ‘it was like someone handed me a puppy and told me it was mine, and I couldn’t believe my luck,’ which felt like a pretty accurate description of what fallin’ for Liam would feel like, if you ask me,” Niall said as he described their first meeting.

Their stories diverged when it came to the breakup.

“Yeah, he said it had to do with his family, but didn’t say much else. Just that he had to end things really quickly and badly, and that he hadn’t talked to Liam since.” Niall shrugged, looking up the stairs toward the door to the flat. “He did say he was glad to have a chance to talk with him, and that he wanted to see him again and settle things, so this was great.”

Louis nodded. “I’m relieved that he told you something. The worst thing might’ve been if he’d just blown the whole thing off as if it didn’t matter when it clearly mattered to Liam.”

Just then the door opened and Liam stuck his head out. “You can come back in,” he said. “I just ordered us pizzas as a thank you for giving us so much time.” As they filed in, Louis raised his eyebrows at Liam.

“Went well?” he asked quietly. Liam nodded and gestured toward the living room, where everyone else was gathering.  
  
“So, we talked, obviously,” Liam said once everyone was sitting down. “And we wanted to tell you what we figured out because, um, well, you all know certain versions of the story and we don’t want anyone to have the wrong idea about anything.” He looked at Zayn, who gave a quick nod of his head.

“Right, since I’m more of the unknown quantity, I’ll start. I’m guessing Nialler told you what I told him while all of you were outside,” Zayn said, looking at Harry and Louis. They nodded back at him.

“Good. So I’ll just go from, um, breaking things off with Liam. When we met, I’d really only dated girls. One girl, really, starting when we were 16 and lasting til we were 20. We broke up about three months before I transferred to Liam’s university. I never expected to date anyone while I was there, honestly.” Zayn picked at a loose thread in his jeans as he spoke, occasionally staring down at the ground as if it was too difficult to say what he wanted face to face.

“Anyway, I fell for Liam pretty much completely. And I went home one weekend thinking I was going to tell my parents about him. I knew they wouldn’t like it, but I felt like I didn’t want to be dishonest with them anymore.” Zayn looked at Liam and then back down at the floor. “I hate lying about things. It feels like shit.”

“I’d only been home for a few hours when my mother burst into my sister’s room, yelling at me. She pulled me up and took me into her bedroom and took out my phone. She shoved it in my face and started asking me about Liam and asking if I was gay. Just, you know, going off.”

Louis watched as Zayn seemed to get smaller where he sat, reliving the moment he was describing. It made him want to reach out, but he wasn’t sure if that was what Zayn would want. Instead he felt the soft touch of Harry’s hand sliding down to cover his and squeeze, the action releasing some of the tension that had been building up in him as Zayn spoke.

“Alright, Zayn?” Liam asked quietly. Zayn nodded, looking up to continue.

“Mum gave me two options. Either she’d tell my dad and they’d kick me out completely, not even let me see my sisters to say goodbye, or she’d keep it a secret and I’d come back home at the end of the semester, break things off with Liam, and still be part of the family. I told her I needed some time, and she got really angry. She made me promise I’d end things, and she didn’t let me talk to my sisters until I moved back home.” At that, Liam moved to Zayn’s side, squeezing him in a tight hug.

“His sisters were his phone lock screen and computer background, and he talked about them all the time,” Liam said. “I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have the threat of losing that.”

“It’s utter shit, Zayn,” Louis said. “I’d lose it if I was cut off from my family that way.” Harry and Niall nodded beside him, all of them wanting to show their understanding of Zayn’s situation.  
  
“Thanks, mate. Yeah, it was awful. So I moved back home and my mum made me block Liam’s number so i never got his messages. I saw a few of his emails, but if she knew it I’d have been fucked.” Zayn shook his head. “The only way I got out of it was my old girlfriend, Perrie. Turns out she was gay and also couldn’t tell her parents, so we ended up covering for each other a lot. My folks think we’re still together.”

“How’d you manage that?” Harry asked. Louis nudged him in the side, scoffing when Harry turned to look at him with confusion.

“It’s fine,” Zayn said. “It’s mental, really. They want to believe it, so they do. I don’t think they’ve seen me with Pez other than a few pictures over the past few years, but that’s enough.

Just then the door buzzed, and Liam jumped up, giving Zayn an apologetic look before dashing to the door, swearing about the bad timing of the pizza delivery.

Zayn wrapped his arms around his knees and looked at the boys on the couch. “That’s most of it, really. Leaving Liam like that was one of the hardest things I’ve done. When I saw him sitting there the other night, I couldn’t believe it. Like I wanted to go back to the flat and paint my fucking feelings or just, like, hug him for the whole night.”

“Did you tell them yet?” Liam asked as he set the stack of pizzas on the breakfast bar.

“Tell us what?” Harry asked. Louis had a feeling he knew, and when he looked at Niall it appeared he might have an idea as well.

“You can?” Zayn said, looking up at Liam with a smile teasing at the corner of his mouth.

“Right,” Liam said brightly. “While we were talking we both realized that we still have some feelings for each other, so we’re going to see what happens if we try dating again.”

Harry fell back against the couch with a grin on his face. “I was hoping you’d say that!” He laughed to himself. “If you hadn’t, I was going to start plotting with these two to get you to reconsider.” He sat up and threw an arm around Louis and Niall. “Think they’d have been willing.” Of course Niall and Louis agreed.

They ended up bringing the pizza into the living room and eating slices straight out of the box with a stack of napkins passed around, mostly talking about their lives and finding out more about Zayn. By the end of the night, he felt more like a part of their group, and Louis had already made plans to spend some one-on-one time with him, since it seemed like they had a few things in common.

After everyone had left and Louis had gotten into bed with Harry, he found himself thinking about Zayn’s story and everything that had led up to hearing it tonight. After all, he knew Niall mostly through Harry, and he’d only gotten close with Liam after breaking up with Reggie. If he hadn’t called Harry that night, hadn’t heard the crackling possibility of more in his voice over the phone, hadn’t walked straight there and been open to the chance of love, there was a good chance Liam and Zayn wouldn’t have reconnected either.

And of course he didn’t know if any of it would’ve been possible if he hadn’t slowly started coming out. He felt Harry shift beside him, one hand reaching back blindly to tug at Louis’ arm until it was draped around him.

“Haz? You still awake?” he whispered.

“Mm, yes, but barely. What is it, love?” Harry’s voice was slower than usual, heavy with the prospect of sleep.

“I was wondering. Would you have wanted me if I hadn’t started coming out? Or if I wasn’t out now, would that change things?” Louis realized as he said it that this was no time for such heavy conversation, but it was too late now. The words were out of his mouth.

Harry rolled over to face him, his hand skimming up and down Louis’ arm slowly as he started to speak. “I think you coming out made me start to realize it was possible that I had feelings for you. As much as I hate to say that.” He shifted closer to Louis, wrapping his arm around him. “But if you told me right now that you needed to be closeted, I’d figure out a way to make it work. You’re worth that to me. And I’d like to think that maybe I’d have seen it at some point. That I loved you, I mean. Feel like it was inevitable. You and me. This. Us.” He punctuated his last statements with kisses, starting gently and ending with a lingering kiss, his tongue brushing against Louis’ before he pulled away.

“I hope it works,” Louis said, resting his hand against Harry’s chest.

Harry giggled. “Think it already has, love. We’re living together an’ everythin’. Proper boyfriends.”

“Liam and Zayn, you knob.” Louis laughed in spite of himself and shoved at Harry gently. Harry took that as an opportunity to roll over, and Louis moved closer, fitting himself against Harry’s back. “It’d be nice if they got to have what we have.”

“Mm, wouldn’t it be nice, though,” Harry said around a yawn. “Bet it’ll happen.” He laced his fingers through Louis’ and drifted to sleep as if it were nothing.

Louis laid awake listening to Harry’s steady breathing. He wanted everyone he loved to have something like this. A person who listened, loved them, wanted them even when they were broken. His friends deserved that. Deserved a person who made love feel like home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this, please consider coming to say hi on [tumblr](http://homosociallyyours.tumblr.com)! 
> 
> A fic post is coming along soon!


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